Marriage - The Great Mystery

According to the Eastern Fathers, the mystery of crowning or marriage was instituted in Paradise. Marriage inherits a portion of the grace of Eden.

In the beginning God set man and woman as king and priest over all creation. By the liturgy of their daily lives the whole world offered a hymn of praise to the Creator. Christ's presence at the marriage feast in Cana confirmed the honor of wedlock in the New Covenant and elevated it to be an icon or image of His love for the Church.

Weddings in the Byzantine tradition manifest all the riches of this patristic tradition. The priest meets the bridal party at the door of the church and betroths the couple to one another, praying:

In the beginning you created male and female. It is You that united a woman to a man, to help him and to perpetuate the human race. Therefore, 0 Lord our God... look now upon Your servants and confirm their betrothal in faith, in harmony and in love.

Then, distributing candles to the party, he leads them into the nave of the church through the body of worshippers, singing Psalm 127. Incensing, the wedding table, the icon screen, the entire altar and the faithful, the priest proclaims, Blessed is the kingdom of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, now and always and forever and ever. With these words only those rites begin which reveal in an eminent way the future kingdom as somehow already present: baptism, the Divine Liturgy, marriage and the great blessing of water on the feast of the Theophany. The priest then mystically ushers in an invisible entourage of blessed couples from the Old and New Testaments to accompany the bride and groom on their path to glory: Abraham and Sarah, Isaac and Rebecca, Joachim and Ann, Zachary and Elizabeth.

IN AND FOR THE CHURCH Since the couple will constitute a miniature church within the Church, ecclesial images are invoked:

  1. Noah in the ark,
  2. Jonah in the belly of the whale,
  3. the three holy children in the fiery furnace.

As the couple inherits a portion of grace that survived the fall, the priest refers to Old Testament images of preservation from death: Enoch, Shem and Elias. Finally in an ecstasy of prayerful joy he sings, Exalt them as the cedars of Lebanon and as fruit-full vine. Grant them the fruit of the earth that, having all good things in abundance, they may contend in every work that is good and acceptable to You. Let them behold their children's children as newly planted olive trees around their table. And after they have led a life that is well pleasing to You, let them shine like stars in Your heaven.

At this, the most solemn moment in the service, the priest crowns the man and woman to be king and queen, priests of the domestic church. To this end he invokes the transfiguring power of the life-giving Spirit, Lord our God, crown them with glory and honor and give them dominion over the works of Your hands.

The reading from St. Paul's Epistle to the Ephesians (5:20- 33) follows, in which the apostle reveals that marriage is an image of the great mystery of love that binds Christ and His Church together. The gospel reading (John 2:1-12) retells the story of the marriage feast at Cana There water was transformed into wine: here human love is made divine.

The couple drinks from a blessed cup of wine and follows the priest in procession three times around the wedding table. Three troparia are sung: the same three that accompany a priest around the altar on the day of his ordination. This emphasizes the priestly character of marriage by which the Christian home is consecrated as a domestic church. The newly crowned couple contemplate the life of prayer and self offering that awaits them. Their life is to be a sign of redemption to a world wanting in love.

PREPARING FOR MARRIAGE When a couple is contemplating marriage, they are expected to take part in a marriage preparation program in church with the priest and with other couples. However this six or eight week series is not what best prepares young people for marriage. Rather it is life within a committed domestic church where parents are striving to realize the dimensions of this sacred mystery that makes a young person ready for marriage. Your life together as a family is your children's marriage preparation program, one whose effects will stay with them throughout their lives.

Formal marriage preparation consists in a number of elements, all of which take time. To avoid confusion, frustration and misunderstanding, young people should be sure to contact their priest before making any commitments as to the date, the place, the other parties involved in the wedding. Marriage is a great mystery in the Church's eyes and it is more concerned about the stability and maturity of a couple than about the flowers, the dresses, the band.

Formal marriage preparation in the Church comprises the following elements:

  1. The Assessment - when the parish priest (and, if necessary the bishop) determine whether both parties are legally, morally and psychologically free to marry in the first place.
  2. The Didache - instruction in some basics of marriage from the natural human perspective (communication, sexuality, finances, and the like).
  3. The Mystagogia - instruction in the Christian meaning of marriage as a great mystery (fidelity, priesthood, kingship).

Such a process takes time. This is why most parishes require people to begin it at least six months before their desired wedding date. Some parishes expect a full year's notice! Be sure that these time frames are kept in mind when planning a wedding in your family.

Needless to say, couples seeking to be married in the Church where such a vision of marriage prevails, can be expected to desire to live this vision. This is why only practicing members of the Church can receive this mystery. Before non-practitioners can look to receive this mystery, they should be ready to resume a full and active church life, beginning with the mystery of confession.

Special permission for persons outside the Church to marry into the household of faith is generally granted, but this usually requires more time. And when one party has been previously married, it would be simply foolish to set a date before the diocesan court has ruled on the freedom of that party to marry again. You can obtain a leaflet describing the procedure used by the diocesan court in determining freedom to marry by writing to the chancery office.

Finally you should be aware that there are certain times of the year when the Church does not permit the celebration of marriages. These times include the Great Feasts and the fast periods of the year. This is done with the understanding that the Church's focus during these days should be on the great mysteries of salvation rather than on a wedding party.

In summary, readiness for marriage implies that believers are striving to life the full life of the Church, have demonstrated their freedom to marry and participated in the instructional programs required in our community.

WEDDING CUSTOMS In our tradition there are a number of customs and practices associated with marriage. Many people invite the priest to bless their engagement. This is done with a simple prayer of blessing and is often conducted in the context of the engagement party. Like the other blessings in the domestic church, it is a way of inserting this dimension of life into Christ.

The actual service of the mystery described above consists of two parts, the betrothal (exchange of wedding rings) and the crowning. In the first part the priest puts a ring on the ringer of the bride and the groom and then these rings are exchanged. These means that the rite is a double ring ceremony and the couple must plan on having two such rings.

The second part, the crowning, includes several elements which people used to Western marriages do not anticipate and for which they can be unprepared. These include:

  1. The Crowning - many brides purchase hats or large headpieces which look silly under the crown (when was the last time you wore two hats at the same time?) or which cannot easily be removed when it is time to be crowned. Take the crowns into consideration when ordering this item. Perhaps your priest will allow you to borrow the crowns when you go shopping for a veil. Styles of crowns vary. Some parishes use a tiara, others a coronet and still others a large imperial crown. Other parishes employ a wreath of flowers in place of a metal crown. Generally these wreaths are made to order and can be coordinated with the bride's floral preferences. Couples who use these floral wreaths often then dry them and keep them in their icon comer in token of the sacramental life they are living. The Procession - In the procession mentioned above, the members of the wedding party join hands and move around the sacramental table. This is often difficult to do when brides have chosen long or bulky gowns and trains. The dignified character of such gowns is generally offset in the wedding pictures by the clumsy way in which the bride is shown trying to take part in this procession. When buying a gown, keep this ceremony in mind.

  2. The Wedding Icon - A custom observed in many Byzantine cultures concerns the parental blessing. The parents of bride and groom bring them to the icon comer in their respective homes and bless them with one of the family icons before leaving for the church. Often the icon of the conception of St. Ann is used. This icon shows Ss. Joachim and Ann embracing when they became aware that Ann was pregnant with the Theotokos. This icon is a favorite of couples in our churches as an icon of the icon which is Christian marriage. In some parishes a copy of this icon is presented to couples as a wedding gift from the parish.

  3. The Eighth Day Prayer - The marriage ceremony is not completed on the wedding day. It concludes with a prayer offered at the Sunday Liturgy on the eighth day or, more commonly, when the couple returns from their wedding trip. This occasion also gives the entire parish community a chance to offer their prayers and best wishes to the new couple.

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Holy Transfiguration Melkite Greek-Catholic Church · 8501 Lewinsville Road · McLean, Va. 22102 · 703 734- 9566
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